Some More Time
by Aidoann
Summary: Sara Sidle cleans up her attic. Drabble about what makes Grissom Grissom. [GS]


Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine.  
Spoilers: None.  
Archive: Ask me.  
E-mail/MSN:aidoannxs4all.nl  
Comments: This has been in my head for ages, and I just had to put it on paper. It's probably not very good, as it hasn't been Beta-d and I have the feeling it may be a bit out of character for Grissom. It's just my theory on why Grissom is the way he is. If you find any errors, please send me an e-mail and I'll correct them. Feedback is always appreciated.   
  
**Some More Time**  
By Aidoann   
  
Today Sara Sidle had decided to sort out all the paper-work she had gathered over the years. Most of it was stacked away neatly in boxes in the attic. She would be moving to a smaller home soon, and couldn't take it all with her. She looked over the boxes. Old forensics journals, the boxes showing which year they were from. Books, more magazines, letters, other magazines.  
  
Suddenly she noticed a small brown suitcase behind the boxes. She didn't remember noticing it before. She reached for it and picked it up, but as she pulled it towards her, the lock opened and it's contents fell to the floor. All the suitcase contained was a few more books and Sara picked them up to put them back in the suitcase, but noticed a yellow envelop sticking to the bottom of suitcase. On the front was only her name: _Sara_. Sara took it from the suitcase and opened it, careful not to damage the old paper. It was a letter, directed to her. A letter she had never seen before.  
  
It read:  
  
_Sara,  
  
I'm writing you this letter because I know I was blunt when I declined your dinner invitation and I believe you deserve an explanation. I hurt your feelings. And funny as it sounds after what happened, hurting you is the last thing I ever want to do. As I told you that night, I really don't know what to do about this.  
  
If you would ask Catherine, she'd tell you I've got burned in the past, but that's only part of the story. I never told anyone what I'm about to tell you.  
  
When I just came to Vegas, I was in a relationship that lasted nearly two years. At first things seemed perfect, but where other couples would grow closer over time, we could never seem to get a deeper connection. And it wasn't her fault. It was mine. After a couple of failed attempts to talk to me, my girlfriend downright confronted me. She told me I needed to change if I wanted to continue seeing her. And I didn't get it. At that time I didn't realize that other people expected me to understand their feelings. I told her I liked myself the way I was, and that I didn't want to change. This way I gave her no other reason than to break up with me. And she did. As a matter of fact, she was very angry with me. She felt hurt. And she had every reason to be. In a way I had lied to her. I had entered a relationship with her, without ever telling her I couldn't share her feelings, even though I did love her. But how could I explain something I didn't even understand myself? How could she expect me to understand her, if I didn't even understand myself? All I could do was tell her she deserved someone better than me.  
  
Strange as it may seem, the break-up didn't really hurt me. It was not that I didn't love her. It was just that I felt just as comfortable alone. After she left me, I just picked up my old life again and that was it. Of course I dated again, even fell in love again, but I never really acted on it. Because every time I fell in love again, I remembered what she said to me when she broke up with me: "I hope you'll never enter a relationship again. Because you will only hurt people when you do." And I'm not a cruel person. I'd never hurt someone intentionally. After a while I came to realize that if I hid away my feelings for a woman long enough, they would go away.  
  
Until I met you.  
  
I really tried, Sara. I tried to ignore my feelings for you, but they wouldn't go away. They would only grow stronger every time you looked at me, smiled at me or even talked to me. After that, I tried to ignore you, to assign you to other cases, but that didn't work. I even tried to date other women, but all I could think of is you.  
  
It was only when you invited me to dinner I realized this wouldn't go away. I had been so busy sticking my head in the sand that I really didn't see it coming. I know my reaction hurt you then and that I probably hurt you many times before. This was when I realized something had to be done. And there is only one thing I can do. I need to change.  
  
And I'm trying to change. But change doesn't come over night. You have clearly stated that you won't wait for me forever. I need some more time, Sara. And I hope you can give it to me.  
  
Grissom_  
  
For a few moments Sara was speechless. Then a voice called from the bottom of the stairs, "Grandma!" When Sara didn't answer immediately, her granddaughter grew impatient, "Are you coming? You promised me we'd go to the park!"  
  
"I'm coming dear." Sara answered, and went down the stairs to join her granddaughter, leaving the boxes behind, forgetting her plans to sort them out. Even though she never got the letter, Sara never regretted giving Grissom some more time... 


End file.
